The Five Steps to Healing Trauma

1. TRAUMA EDUCATION

Trauma refers to deeply distressing experiences that overwhelm an individual’s ability to cope, leaving lasting emotional and physical imprints. It can result from various events, like accidents, abuse, natural disasters or even your basic needs not being met as a child. This can sometimes be referred to as adverse childhood experiences or ACES.

The effects of trauma are intricate, impacting both the mind and body. Mentally, it may lead to anxiety, depression, or flashbacks. Physically, it can manifest as headaches, fatigue, pain or disrupted sleep patterns just to name a few. Trauma can shape how you perceive and respond to the world.

Becoming trauma-informed involves fostering understanding and empathy towards yourself for the trauma you have experienced and how it shows up in your life, your physiology and your mental patterns.

On this website, you can explore detailed information and insights about trauma in an easy-to-understand manner, helping you grasp its effects and implications in your life. We hope you will read the Do You Have Trauma page for a comprehensive education on this subject before moving to the next step.

2. CULTIVATING SAFETY

(This means in our environment and inner world)

In our journey toward healing from past traumas, the first step is often overlooked but is crucial: ensuring we live in a safe environment. This safety isn’t only about having a roof over our heads and food on the table, it goes beyond that, reaching into the quality of our interpersonal relationships.

“Imagine healing as similar to gardening. When planting seeds in your garden, for them to thrive, they need a nurturing and safe environment. For example, adequate sunlight, water, and nourishing soil. Similarly, for us to heal and grow, we need the foundation of safety and security.”

In our personal relationships, a healthy balance of power and respect is essential for us to feel safe. It’s like the steady ground that holds us up, allowing us to stand tall without the fear of being pushed down. If we’re in a partnership where love and understanding flow freely, it becomes a haven where our hearts can find solace and we can grow.

Safety extends to our physical surroundings too. Living in a peaceful, stable community or country means we can focus on wellbeing without the constant worry of external threats. This peace allows us to direct our energies towards our healing, instead of being in a perpetual state of fear and anxiety.

Think of safety like the foundations of a house. It is paramount the foundations are solid before we progress to the actual build. Just like building a house we must build our healing journey upon solid/stable grounds. Without this strong foundation, attempting to work through past traumas could make us feel very unstable.

A decent amount of time spent in a safe space is vital before moving to the next trauma healing step. This safety provides the space needed for introspection, allowing us to observe what wounds we may have, and how we might consider approaching them.

This also applies to creating a sense of safety specifically in our nervous system. It’s important for us to grasp the idea of “staying within the window of tolerance.” Essentially, this means finding a middle ground between feeling overly anxious (fight or flight mode) and becoming extremely withdrawn (freeze or collapse mode). When we stay within this balance, we can deal with challenges without feeling completely overwhelmed. Every day, we need to keep our safety in mind, by doing this we help ourselves stay balanced and regulated, additionally it enables us to BEGIN working through past traumas. Before delving into our traumatic experiences, we must ensure we feel secure within ourselves. Are we at ease in our surroundings, comfortable in our bodies, and ready to acknowledge our emotions? It’s all about regularly checking in with ourselves in a mindful way.

A simple and practical method to achieve this is by using the acronym BEST, coined by Nicole Martin as a simple approach to maintaining mindfulness, which in turn helps build nervous system safety.

Here is the acronym and a comprehensive description of their meaning.

Breath
Emotions
Sensations
Thoughts

Breath:
How’s my breathing at this time? If it’s fast and shallow, you may wish to slow it down and deepen your breaths. Take in 4-5 slow, deep breaths at this time.

Emotions:
What emotions am I feeling in this moment? For example, sadness, fear, anger, guilt, shame, joy, gratitude, numbness, or elation. Can I be with this emotion and let it feel heard, felt and understood just for a minute or so.

Sensations:
What’s happening in my body’s physiology? Do I have tightness or tension? Or butterflies in my stomach? Jitters or buzzing all over? Maybe a racing heart or perhaps a slow heartbeat? Am I hot or cold? Am I moving slowly or quickly with my tasks? Simply become aware of your physiology and start to be with these sensations and nurture yourself through them. Do this by using breath, acceptance and gentle soothing touch to help regulate your system.

Thoughts:
What am I thinking or telling myself in this moment? Are these thoughts mood-enhancing or mood-depressing? Thoughts can change with awareness. Do I want to tell myself something different? No pressure, simply an invitation if it feels appropriate for you

Finish by tapping the gamut point on your hand saying:
“In this moment regardless of what is happening in my body can I feel safe”?

How to tap the Gamut Point– Your Nervous System Reset Point
https://youtu.be/R6J3nWanKYk?si=4mJZYJlVSA7DXSrT

If you get a yes – simply say “I feel safe, really safe” 4-5 times whilst tapping the gamut point. If not, simply state your truth i.e not quite yet, but I’m getting closer etc…

A helpful way to make this a habit is to set reminders on your phone three times a day. This gentle nudge can prompt you to perform these check-ins and eventually turn them into healthy, ingrained habits over time.

3. TRAUMA TIMELINE

A trauma timeline is where an individual records a comprehensive account of their distressing life events. Those that evoked feelings of abandonment, insecurity, sadness, fear, grief, rage, shame, guilt, or powerlessness. It involves arranging these events in a structured manner to provide a chronological view, enabling individuals to become more aware of their experiences and begin to assess their potential effects on their lives. This offers individuals a beginning point for where to start their body centered healing practices.

4. FORGIVENESS

Why is it important to forgive?

Forgiveness means to cease feeling resentment against someone or something. It is empowering to know that you can regain your sense of self simply by forgiving. Forgiveness is part of the process of healing and letting go of the past. When individuals are angry with each other, each side feels hurt by the other and usually wants to receive an apology. Unfortunately, many people believe that they “lose” by admitting they contributed to the situation in some way. Therefore, neither side apologizes, and the mutual resentment continues indefinitely. You do not lose by apologizing; in fact, you win. This is because you choose peace over anger and reconciliation over defense, allowing for the possibility of connection to occur should you want reconnection. If connection or repair isn’t possible, you can walk away from the situation with your head held high, knowing you didn’t lose yourself to unkindness or rage, which is an enormous gift to yourself.

By choosing to forgive, you free yourself, enabling yourself to disconnect from the negative energetic bonds established from unforgiveness. For example, when you have experienced a situation where you feel wronged, you will likely hold emotions of sadness, anger, or resentment towards the other person. These emotions, when stored in our emotional and physical body, can negatively affect our minds and bodies, and the energy of such negativity actually bonds us to the other individual. If you choose forgiveness to free yourself, you can wake up each day without reliving the past; though you may not forget it, you are still free. Forgiving doesn’t mean forgetting; however, rather than dwelling on the past, you are now free to gain the wisdom from the event that will serve you in your future. Forgiving puts you in a position of strength; you can still hold people accountable, but you take away that person’s power to hurt you anymore.

Forgiving doesn’t necessarily mean reconciliation. It helps you decide, with strength and confidence, what’s best for you. Whether to stay connected to a person, or to choose to walk away, either is okay, and only you know what’s right for you. By forgiving, you are brought into a state of acceptance and peace, and that makes making decisions like this much easier.

“Not forgiving,” says Nelson Mandela, “is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.”

Stanford University conducted a Forgiveness Project, which demonstrated that learning to forgive reduces people’s feelings of hurt, anger, stress, and depression.

People who forgive become more hopeful, optimistic, and compassionate, and their conflict resolution skills actually improve. This study also discovered that people who forgive have significantly fewer physical stress symptoms such as backache, muscle tension, dizziness, headaches, and upset stomachs. Forgiveness boosts one’s energy and overall well-being.

There are so many reasons to forgive; I encourage you to explore them for yourself to fully integrate this knowledge and assist you to work through your trauma. Here’s a quote that I find very helpful, especially when I am triggered by something or someone.

“When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.” — Katherine Ponder

I will share my personal forgiveness practice with you. It is very deep and calls for a lot of radical responsibility. However, it is truly empowering and helps you to become your best self.

Five Steps to Forgiveness Practice – By Nicole Martin

Step One:
Acknowledge how you feel right now. Without bringing the other person or situation into the equation. (No story about what they have done, simply ask – What emotion do you feel in your heart?

i.e., I am feeling: Angry, Sad, Frustrated, Vengeful, Victimised, Shocked, Devastated, Gutted, disappointed.

Do you feel these emotions anywhere in your body physically? If so, place your hand over the region you feel is tight, constricted, or pained to help acknowledge the sensation and soothe it. As discussed earlier, emotions can become stored in our bodies; therefore, it is helpful to assist them in processing by feeling them fully.

Step Two:
Label honestly without filters how you feel about the person/situation you feel has wronged you. Notice your judgments and accept yourself unconditionally with these judgments. This is just to get our emotions out; we never want to repress how we feel; it’s important to honour our feelings, and that’s why this stage is important to express.

This step acknowledges that as humans, we often attach judgments and beliefs to situations (right or wrong). It is easier to create a victim story and to blame others for our feelings. It’s simply part of being human. Know that this is normal and accept yourself fully for thinking this way.

Step Three:
Ask yourself; do I have any emotional wounds that may be contributing to my feelings right now? These are wounds you have likely come to know already. They are emotional bruises, separate from this situation/person that is triggering you in this moment, they usually crop up repetitively over your lifetime. Conflict has a way of evoking old wounds; keep in mind that old wounds can play havoc with your perception of reality.

i.e., Examples of such wounds: Betrayal, abandonment, abuse, hurt, rejection, not good enough, inadequacy, scared, misunderstood, criticism, injustice, cruelty just to name a few. This is not to blame yourself (in any way). Simply, to notice if your inner world is contributing to your outer world and the emotional pain that you feel right now.

Step Four:
“If this was happening for a higher purpose, what might that be? Is there something useful in this experience that you could learn from? Are there emotional bruises that may have contributed to this experience today that you may need to heal? It is your responsibility to heal bruises such as; feelings of abandonment, being misunderstood, feeling unlovable, rejection, etc. We are looking for something positive to learn from this difficult situation.

This is where we attempt to reframe the story by becoming open to the idea that our soul may need to work through something and this might be why this event has occurred (or at least in part). Be open to this possibility and allow any insights to come through. If we are willing, we have the opportunity to start healing our wounds today. We can now begin to loosen our grip on blame.

Disclaimer: There are many situations that are so cruel and traumatic that there is no possibility that this happened for any higher purpose… But there are equally many situations where this can apply. If it resonates that’s great, if it doesn’t, chuck it out! Listen to your own wisdom and guidance, it’s your journey no-one else’s.

Bonus Tip: Is there any useful reason to hold on to this anger? (The answer is nearly always no).

Step Five:
“I Choose Peace over anger for my heart and soul.” Anger is like drinking poison and hoping someone else dies… It is okay to feel anger temporarily, but it’s extremely unhelpful to marinate in it long term. By accepting that there may be a higher purpose for this situation, we choose to surrender to our higher selves for the right truths to come forth to help with our understanding and ability to let it go. Giving us insight on how to let go of what isn’t serving us. Now I encourage you to say out loud “I release all the feelings, judgments, and resentments I have, choosing peace instead.”

Place your hand on your heart and say these words. I now forgive ……………………… (person/situation/event)

5. BEGIN TRAUMA RELIEF PRACTICES – on your events.

Take your time; work through your trauma timeline at a pace that is slow and steady. Focus on one event at a time, utilizing our stress relief practices to process and integrate your trauma in a healthy way. Ensure that you are well-resourced before attempting to undertake this process.

Please select your chosen Trauma Relief Practice from the list below:
(The two most helpful practices when dealing with events are EFT Finger Tapping and Self Havening)

– Intuitive Torso Tapping
– EFT Finger Tapping
– Self Havening (Choose ‘Event Havening’)
– Mindful Compassionate Inquiry
– Instinctual Self Soothing
– Non Sleep Deep Rest

Disclaimer:
If you have significant trauma (PTSD or CPTSD), I recommend you seek out the help of a professional trauma-informed individual. Someone such as a qualified Somatic Experiencing Practitioner or a Somatic Psychotherapist. However, I realize that in these challenging times, this may not be possible due to resources or availability. Hence, I have provided this information to assist you, but I strongly recommend you gain support from an external service if at all possible. Love, Nicole x